Teach Your Daughter How To Value Herself
What can you say to your teenage daughter to teach her to value herself? What can you do to communicate with her in a way to build her up and teach her how to build herself up as well?
Valuing herself begins with helping her look within to first discover and then develop who she is. Getting to know what she loves the most about herself and what makes her unique is part of what I teach girls as their coach on their personal journeys to increase self-love.
As parents, we have a special opportunity to help her develop the qualities that make her special and unique. Encouraging her to be in tuned with person she is on the inside can be as simple as offering compliments that highlight those inner qualities often. The tendency is to give more attention to the negative because it’s easy to point out where our teenagers are making mistakes. It’s so easy to focus on where they have room for improvement that we tend to miss precious moments to acknowledge the greatness that our teens already have within.
Here are 6 ways to help your daughter learn to value herself:
1. Compliment Her Inner Qualities
Use every opportunity that you can to compliment her inner qualities, things like her compassion for others, her willingness to put in the hard work, her generosity… Society and her social circles will already be emphasizing her looks, and while it’s absolutely okay for you tell her she is beautiful, it’s worth the effort it takes to also compliment the qualities that are not as obvious as her physical appearance. Challenge yourself to emphasize the aspects of who she is that you want her to feel good about, that are on the inside, because those are not typically the compliments she is used to hearing.
You don’t want her to be defined mostly by her physical appearance. Obviously, that will change. You can really help her get to know who she is beyond her outward beauty and also be defined by the qualities that you know make her shine from within.
2. Help Her Identify Her Strengths
We tend to focus on the challenges. If you have a student and she’s not doing well in a subject at school, what do you do? You get her a tutor. If she’s constantly getting up late in the morning or she’s not waking up when the alarm goes off, we’re reminding her that she is staying up too late doing homework and because she’s not managing her time well during the day. As parents, we spend a lot of energy trying to “fix” or improve the areas where our children are not strong.
What if you also took the time to help her identify her strengths? Every client I work with knows exactly where she is strong and how to leverage what she’s naturally good at. A fun aspect of identifying strengths is that it also leads to conversation about what she is passionate about. I see so many busy parents that don’t realize just how much it means to their teens that they support their passions. If you are struggling to communicate with your daughter, this can also help you. Learning more about her passions and supporting her in them will take your relationship a long way. Helping her learn how to leverage what she’s good at will help her achieve the goals she has set to become successful.
3. Help Her Value Her Words
You really want her to pay attention to the words that are coming out of her mouth. Showing her how to reframe her negative self-talk, period. This is a big part of my work as a teen life coach. If this is an area where you need support, book a call so we can talk!
4. Help Her Value Her Role In The Family
This one is huge in my household. Do not be afraid to have high expectations, to have your girls do chores, and to implement consequences when you need to. It’s good for your daughter to feel that she has a role in your family, that she belongs, and she’s making a contribution to the greater good. And even more so, that you value her contribution by telling her. Affirming her role in the family and giving her a sense of responsibility for how the family works is so important and will also build her confidence.
Teenagers benefit from knowing their role is and what to expect on a given day. It gives them a sense of belonging and security. We all fear the unknown. When you can create an environment where they know the expectation and the consequences for their poor decisions, it provides the structure and security that helps when they’re out in the world having to make decisions on their own.
5. Show Her That You Value Her Opinion
Maybe you are planning a family vacation, ask her opinion. “Where do you want us to go?” or “What would you like to do?” You know they want to be adults, so give them the opportunities to have the adult conversation. Did you know that teens love to talk about politics? Give her the opportunity to explore her opinions, thoughts and passion with you. Talk to them and help them process the world around them. You might learn something, they might impress you. Do you watch TV with your daughter? I love the idea of sitting with them and watching the shows that they like. You are seeing what they are seeing and then you’ll be able to answer their questions and help her process the message that she sees in the media. You can also listen to music with her and then talk to her about it. Ask her for opinion and really hear what she has to say. This doesn’t mean you have to go along with what she says or agree with her, it means that you are showing her that her thoughts matter to you because you are giving her space to be heard.
6. Help Her Value The Effort
Praise the effort more than the outcome. This is especially true for girls who are high achievers, who have to have all A’s, and who put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect. Compliment the effort that leads to the grade goes a lot further than complimenting the grade. It emphasizes the work. This works great with girls who are athletes as well. You really see someone’s character when they don’t win or don’t play the perfect game don’t you? As a parent, what other aspects of her game are worth praising? Could it be how she managed her schoolwork so that she was not overwhelmed with work on a gameday or her sportsmanship or leadership on the team? These are all ways to help her see the value of the effort she puts in.
I’m on a mission to inspire girls to stand up and shine. I want them to shine from the light deep within that comes from knowing and loving exactly who you are and sharing that person with the world. If your daughter is struggling to discover her beauty on the inside, the uniqueness that makes her beautiful in her own right, we need to talk! Book a complimentary call here