How To Help Your Daughter Become A Confident Communicator
I have a son who loves to act silly and act funny and we refer to him as “the funny one,” the one who wants to always be the center of attention. And the more we encourage and reinforce that aspect of who he is, the more he lives up to it! Maybe you can relate?
We have this unintentional tendency as parents to label our children. Maybe your daughter is “the shy one,” or “the smart one,” maybe she’s “the diva” or “the quiet one?” What we are doing when we are labeling our children in that way, even when it’s harmless, is shaping their identity. In my program, Conquering Confidence, we help girls recognize such labels. Then, they decide if the labels support who they aspire to be or if they need to be released.
So for a girl looking for help building confidence, we spend time talking about what she would have to do or who she would have to become to be the more confident version of herself. We go through the labels that are self-imposed or imposed upon her by others and identify areas of growth to focus on in order to become more confident. The process begins with having a clear picture of exactly who she already is.
But what about communication? Part of becoming more confident includes communicating confidently and being able to show up confidently in the world. How do you help your daughter communicate confidently? Here are some questions to ask yourself first:
How does she speak…
How does she carry herself…
How does she make decisions…
How does she interact in her relationships…
Spending some time considering where she is now will help you know where to start as you support her growth.
Here are some of the areas to focus on to help your daughter become a confident communicator:
Confident Body Language
You know what this looks like, right? Observe your daughter….Does she smile? That’s one of the easiest thing that you can encourage her to do. Does she make eye contact? Is she engaged in conversations? Does she lean in or look like she is genuinely interested? One way that I teach girls to communicate with confidence is to convey that she is approachable. To do so requires her to pay attention to her body language. It’s more than the words that come out of her mouth, right?
So, what kind of posture does your daughter have? Is it open and inviting or is it a little bit more closed off? Does she nod her head in agreement to show that she is actually listening and paying attention? These are a few of the mannerisms to pay attention to. Also, notice what types of situations your daughters seems to be nervous or uncomfortable in. You can then take those opportunities to talk to her about what it would look like to be more confident in those situations. You can even model the behaviors for her.
What do confident people talk about? Not only themselves, right? Girls always say, they don’t want to be stuck up, they don’t want to be perceived as to arrogant.
And we can all think of person who is so insecure and talks about him or herself in a way that makes us uncomfortable as listeners.
This person may come across as self-deprecating or even loud and obnoxious, neither is what we want.
So let’s explore what real confidence looks like in conversation. What should your daughter say or do to really come across as self assure? One way that I teach this is to focus on making others feel more comfortable around you. So, you can practice this with your own relationships and with your daughter. What are you conveying in your interactions? Are you open? Are you inviting? You can practice these skills by observing the way people respond to you. If it’s not what you want, then try another approach and she if they respond any differently. Trying this yourself will help you learn how to help your daughter do the same. Observe her interactions with friends and others in her circle and you will have the insight you need to support her. If you need some help figuring out what you observe in your daughter and how to help her, send me an email! I’d love to help you with your specific situation.
Until then, here are two quick tips you can use at home that are super easy to implement:
1. Help your daughter learn how to take a compliment.
2. Encourage her to say what she needs to say (or ask what she needs to ask) without apologizing for it.
As women, we are all guilty sometimes. So pay attention the next time someone tells you “Your hair looks cute today! or “I love your outfit!” What do you say? Do you say thank you and smile? If so, that conveys confidence. Accept the compliment. If you see your daughter not accepting compliments and putting herself down instead, address that. Tell her it’s okay to simply say thank you.
What about over apologizing? I talk to girls about this all the time. If you hear your daughter say, “I’m sorry but..” and then proceed to ask a question then she needs to learn this skill. You can help her learn that what she has to say matters by pointing out to her that she has this habit. I make it simple with my clients and tell them not to apologize for what they have to say. If an apology is not in order, then don’t apologize.
Learning how to really communicate with confidence takes a lot of practice. You can help your daughter practice!
Is she really passionate about something?
Have a conversation with her about something that she is really passionate about so that she can speak from the heart. This is great practice for her because she is naturally going to exude confidence because she knows what she is talking about.
What a great way to build a bond! Expressing gratitude for something someone else does for you is a great connection with that person. Here’s why this can also help your daughter communicate with confidence. When you can literally look at someone and tell them you appreciate them, they will feel good about themselves. They’ll feel good about the interaction. Communicating confidently includes how you make the person you are speaking to feel.
I have so many ideas to help you raise a confident communicator, if you’d like support, I’m here for you! Feel free to book a call HERE, we can chat for 20 min and create up with a strategy just for your daughter!
I’m on a mission to inspire girls to stand up and shine. I want them to shine from the light deep within that comes from knowing and loving exactly who you are and sharing that person with the world. If your daughter is struggling to discover her beauty on the inside, the uniqueness that makes her beautiful in her own right, we need to talk! Book a complimentary call here