by Tahira Bell | Sep 7, 2017 | New Blogs
Why Self Love Is The Best Love
Everyone seems to be in a rush these days. Between school, work, social commitments, family, social media, and more, it means personal time is scarce, if at all. While it may seem productive and impressive to always be working, it’s actually incredibly harmful. The brain needs downtime to process all of the information it receives everyday.
Practicing self-love and self-care allows you to unwind, relax, and find new ways to respect yourself. It gives the brain that downtime it needs. As the mom of a teenage daughter, it’s incredibly important you not only talk about self-love with her, but that you also set the example of what practicing healthy self-love looks like.
Love Always Wins
If your daughter has self-love, she’s able to respect her time, her body, and herself more. She’s less likely to be prone to depression. She’s more likely to make health choices and do what’s best for her. This isn’t the solution to everything, but practicing self-love a few minutes a day can instantly boost her mood and confidence.
When your daughter has self-love, she’s able to go about her life in a confident manner. She starts to gain confidence in her abilities to make decisions and perform the skills she needs. She doesn’t tolerate other people trying to take advantage of her or put her down for being herself. She learns all of this from you and the way you love yourself.
Self-Love Practices
There are so many ways to practice self-love. Your daughter learns a lot by watching you and the way you act towards yourself. When you talk down about your body while you’re shopping, she internalizes that. When you put unhealthy food into your body and skip out on exercise, she internalizes that. Being a good example for her will not only improve your life, but will help your daughter improve hers.
The best practices are the ones she enjoys and gets excited about. It’s all about what gets her motivated to actually continue with them and make them a part of her everyday routine. The act of self-love shouldn’t be something which requires a ton of effort, and it doesn’t have to cost much either. But it does have to be intentional. Whatever she chooses, it shouldn’t involve sitting on the couch watching TV or scrolling through social media. She needs to step away from the screens and let her mind wander.
Some self-love practice ideas are:
Self-Love is the Best Practice
Your daughter’s life will be infinitely better when she loves herself. The best thing you can do for her as her mother is to show her how to love herself, by loving yourself. Take care of yourself. Schedule out personal you time. Let her know why you’re doing it and what it means for both of you. Not only will you be refreshed and ready to take on any of the obstacles that come your way, your daughter will respect you for putting yourself first. And, she will learn to do the same for herself.
Our children are important. While every aspect of that is true, they shouldn’t be the most important aspect in your life. This recent article from Smart Parenting breaks down exactly why you should focus on your marriage and yourself, before you focus on your kids. Loving yourself and loving your spouse gives your daughter an example of what a healthy relationship with yourself and your spouse looks like. It gives her an example of what to strive for and how to achieve it through following your actions.
I would love to speak with you. Click here and select “Let’s Chat” to book a complimentary coaching chat, and we can talk about how I can assist her in moving to the next level.
Resources For Developing Your Own Inner Beauty
by Tahira Bell | May 12, 2017 | New Blogs
Why more of our girls aren’t in leadership roles?
You throw like a girl
Girls are bad at math
Women belong in the kitchen
A woman can’t be president because they’re too emotional
These are just some of the unsavory and misguided words that come out of people’s mouths. I’ve not only heard these things from men but I’ve heard them from women as well.
It’s no secret, we live in a patriarchal society and although women and girls are making huge strides we still have a journey ahead of us.
These gender biases hurt leadership potential in girls. When she hears that she doesn’t throw well, she shouldn’t be good at math, and she can’t be the president it sets a low standard. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that never had to occur in the first place.
So how can your daughter completely trample over these biases?
1. Expose her to different kinds of careers early. Everything from personal chef to architect. Let her know that nothing is beyond her grasp.
2. Reframe any self-deprecating speech she may have. Girls and women have a terrible habit of verbally ripping themselves to shreds to make others feel comfortable around them. Your daughter has the right to stand tall and to make her glorious presence known.
3. Challenge her. Sometimes she may feel like she can’t do something and she may want to give up. Encourage her to follow through and give her the resources she may need to be successful. Show her how to be resourceful and resilient.
4. Teach her how to negotiate. Also, don’t punish her for trying to negotiate. It can be tempting to use the “my way or the highway” approach but that stifles their ability to go back to the drawing board and to come up with an option that can work for the both of These are necessary skills your daughter will need in order to be a leader in the workplace or in her own business.
5. Find her a mentor. I’m sure you set an amazing example for your daughter, but a mentor can be invaluable. This person can be someone you trust and accomplished in an area your daughter is interested in. If you don’t know of anyone personally there are people you can hire. Invest in her and show her that her growth is worth the effort.
Your daughter’s options are limitless and I’m dedicated to helping young women reach their fullest potential. If you’re looking to invest in your daughter’s leadership growth then I would love the opportunity to speak with you. Click here to schedule our time.
15 Essential Life Lessons For Girls to Learn Before
They Graduate from High School.
by Tahira Bell | May 11, 2017 | Uncategorized
Your daughter doesn’t need a manager, she needs this instead.
Your daughter wants independence. I’m sure you knew that already. It’s difficult to give your teen more freedom because you know about how one bad decision can affect her entire life.
However, soon she will be an adult and will have to make adult decisions. She will no longer need you to parent her the way you would parent a five year old. The dynamic must change along the way.
My suggestion? Shift your role.
No, I’m not saying you have to be her bff, I am saying you have to parent her differently. Her hormones are in full gear, peer pressure is huge, and neurologically her brain is changing. Your daughter is in a very strange point in her life and she isn’t 100% sure of who she is yet.
It’s time for you to become a less of an authoritative manager and to transition into the role of a coach. Shifting your role allows your daughter to see what she’s made of. She has to learn to be able to trust herself and you can no longer do all of her thinking for her. That means, you can’t bail her out all the time and you have to allow her to make some of her own decisions. Your role is to be on the sidelines and to guide her. Coaches can’t run the ball for their players and you can’t live your daughter’s life for her.
You want her to be independent and successful. That means she has to learn to decipher things on her own. You can assist her by giving her the opportunity to work through the consequences of her actions and remind her that you love her and she will get through it. Failure is okay, because she has to trust she will learn from mistakes and live through them. It’s one of the greatest lessons we will ever learn. Bouncing back from her failures will develop some much needed resilience.
When you helicopter parent your child, it can be difficult for her once she’s out in the world alone. Failure can feel like it’s the end of the world because she’s not accustomed to the feeling. Give her the opportunity to work through her failures in a safe, supportive space.
The way to shift into the role of a coach is to release her to herself. Let her know that you’re there for her and it’s okay to mess up. As a coach you help her explore her strengths and passions. You teach her new things as necessary and in a way she will understand. Coaches keep the end goal in mind and teach their players how to use what they have to get where they want. And when they need a new edge, they sharpen their skill-sets by strengthening the right muscles and executing a better strategy.
Coaches ask questions about the what and the how, not the why. Constantly asking “why” makes your daughter defensive. Asking the deeper questions allow her to explore and discover who she is and shows her that you respect her thoughts.
When you approach parenting from this angle, you are seen as a part of her team. When she has issues she needs to work her way through, she will come to you because she respects your opinion. As her coach, you don’t have to solve her problems for her because when the lines of communication are healthy and open, she will come to you when she needs to. She will learn how to figure out what to do on her own, knowing you still have her back.
I’m a parent, so I know this isn’t easy. Time is of the essence when it comes to parenting your daughter. Book a Free Coaching Chat with me and let’s talk about how you can support your daughter during this time in her life.
15 Essential Life Lessons For Girls to Learn Before
They Graduate from High School.
by Tahira Bell | May 5, 2017 | New Blogs
Does your daughter have these 5 essential leadership skills?
Leadership skills are a must for girls everywhere. Granted, everyone doesn’t want to be a leader and that’s okay, but these skills still need to be cultivated in order for her to take control of her own life.
These skills are essential for the girls who want to make an impact. I see it so often with my clients, they want to make their mark on the world but they aren’t sure where to start.
In order to be a leader amongst her peers, she has to possess certain qualities.
Here are 5 of the big ones.
Help your daughter develop these and she is on her way to becoming a great leader.
Vision-
She has to have a clear vision. How is your daughter in this area? When she has an idea, does she know what to do next? Most importantly, does she follow through and take action to bring the idea to life?
Confidence-
Have you ever seen a timid leader? Maybe you’ve been part of a group where the leader wasn’t outspoken and lacked confidence. A lot of our girls struggle in the confidence department, but it’s necessary and the beauty is that this can be learned.
Decisiveness-
As a leader, your daughter’s peers will look to her to make decisions. She must get comfortable with making decisions even if it’s not the popular one. Wishy-washiness will confuse the people around her and that can lead to a lot of drama within her group.
Accountability-
We know what it’s like to miss the mark sometimes. How does your daughter handle it? Does she use excuses or does she accept responsibility and come up with a game plan to do better next time?
Personable-
No one wants to work with someone they don’t like, and teen girls are certainly no exception. Your daughter can have the greatest ideas in the world, but if she isn’t approachable it can make her leadership dreams very difficult.
There are other skills that need to be cultivated, but starting with these five will give her the advantages she needs.
The world is ready for more girls to step up and be leaders. We have to do our best as parents to prepare them.
Do you have a daughter that has great leadership skills and can benefit from developing skills further? Or,
does she have an idea but is feeling stuck on what to do next?
I would love to speak with you. Click here and select “Let’s Chat” to book a complimentary coaching chat, and we can talk about how I can assist her in moving to the next level.
15 Essential Life Lessons For Girls to Learn Before
They Graduate from High School.
by Tahira Bell | Sep 28, 2016 | Blog Posts
I don’t know about you, but a big AHA moment for me was realizing that I could learn and practice how to be confident. This is huge because we forget that confidence is a skill. And a skill is anything that can be learned. A skill is something you can be taught. That means, if you are not confident today, you can learn how to be tomorrow. This is huge because you can change the course of your life by learning how to have confidence.
You can learn how to radiate confidence when you step into a room, when you meet someone for the first time, even when you have to give a presentation! Imagine knowing that you can help your daughter no longer feel trapped by a fear of forever being afraid, or shy, or eager to please, or too nice, or that you have to follow the crowd. She doesn’t have to be intimidated by feelings of inferiority. She really can learn how to combat all of these things by building her confidence! And I am going to jumpstart your efforts with 5 simple things to start trying today!
Tip 1
Praise the process, not the end result
Often times as parents we are proud of our children’s accomplishments and eagerly congratulate them on a job well done. It may sound like this! “Mom I got an A on my test!” And your reply “I knew you could do it, you are so smart!” Well I’d like to suggest an alternate response.
What if you instead said “great job, your studying all week paid off” tweaking your response to acknowledge your daughter’s effort will make it easier for her to try things that are challenging in the future. Research shows that praising the effort and hard work helps to eliminate the fear of failure that girls who are repeatedly praised for their intellect or perfection tend to display. It may seem a little awkward, even a little counter intuitive at first. But it’s worth it in the long run.
Tip 2
Help your daughter learn to trust in her decision making ability
It is critical that she has opportunities to practice making decisions while she’s still at home. If she doesn’t she won’t have the confidence to trust her own instincts and it will be hard for her to make good decisions in the future. So the next time she approaches you with a problem, say a situation that came up with a friend on her soccer team.
Instead of giving your opinion, ask her what she thinks she could do in the situation. You can even have her come up with multiple solutions then decide on her own which one she is going to go with. Don’t worry if you don’t agree, obviously unless it’s an issue involving her safety, let her figure it out. She needs to start building confidence in her decision making ability now and this is how you can help her. This one is tough, but so important.
Tip 3
Help her make sense of the things she sees in tv, magazines, and on social media
This can include pointing out that the passionate love scenes she sees on tv are not examples of real love. Or explaining to her that pictures of celebrities online or in magazines can be edited and most likely don’t represent what the women actually look like. This will help prevent her feeling inadequate about her body type and her relationships. Take the time to have the conversations and when possible listen listen more than you talk so that you are encouraging her to express her ideas which also will boost her confidence.
Think about it, when you two have the conversation after her favorite show, she’s gonna go back to school the next day unafraid to share what she knows when she talks about the episode with her friends!
Tip 4
Help her believe that she can do anything!
How do you do this? First and foremost you tell her. Tell her you believe in her. Also give her the opportunity to learn new skills by helping the family out in ways that give her independence.
For example let her call a restaurant to order take out or schedule her own doctor’s appointments. But don’t expect perfection here, this is an opportunity for you to show your unconditional love and patience, be there for her and it will help build her confidence.
Tip 5
Get her involved in sports
I love how sports allow girls to discover a side of themselves they may not know existed. She will learn that she is capable of far more than she ever imagined. She will trust herself and appreciate her body for its strength. Achieving milestones in sports will teach her that she can push herself not just in her sport but in life.
She will not be afraid to challenge herself and hold herself to a higher standard in other areas of her life as well.
