Body Image

Body Image

3

APRIL, 2018

Every woman, at one point or another in her life, struggles with the way her body looks and feels. And please know that men struggle with this too. It’s perfectly normal to go through periods of loving and hating the way your body looks. It needs to become perfectly normal to work through these feelings and make our way to body confidence.

It is becoming mainstream to talk about body issues and the way we handle them, but it can still be difficult to know where to go and what to do. It’s also still sometimes characterized by girls as arrogant to truly love your body. This is the issue with society and what needs to be changed.

Awareness

When it comes to our bodies and the way we perceive them, awareness is key. Paying attention to when your mind starts to come up with negative thoughts will help you become self-aware of what triggers them. Even neutral thoughts like “oh that’s not my color” or “oh I could never wear that” can have negative effects on your relationships with your body. That’s what this truly is – a relationship- and one that needs nurturing and commitment.You only get one body. Whether you fill it with chemicals or everything organic, it’s still vital to learn how different foods impact you. Keeping track of what you eat and corresponding it to a mood tracker can help you keep track of what makes you feel happy or sad. Knowing what you
will feel based off of what you eat can not only help improve your health, but also improve your relationship with your body.

I like this approach with girls over talking about being “good” or “bad” when making food decisions. It’s a much better perspective than focusing on looks and weight too, and the end result is learning what makes her healthy.

Using a mood tracker, she can track days she felt sad, depressed, happy, angry, confident, or any other range of emotions. When compared with a food tracker, she will see the the difference on the days when cheeseburgers and fries were a choice for lunch (maybe leaving her feeling depressed,) versus the days when grilled chicken and some greens were the choice that left her feeling energetic.

Using these tools can teach your teen how to make healthier choices, thus improving her relationship with her body. This can be done in a journal, with this downloadable PDF or even an app.

Action

When your daughter starts to become aware of her thoughts and feelings in correlation to the foods she eats, then she will be able to start taking proactive action. She can learn how to catch herself when she is thinking how she will never fit into something again. Then, she can pause and turn her thoughts back to something positive and empowering. Gaining control of her thoughts like this can even change the way she perceives the world.

Getting out and exercising is another way to help expel toxic emotions. As was famously quoted in Legally Blonde (one of my favorite movies, don’t judge me :-)) “Exercising gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t……” Anyway, even if it’s just acting out one of those famous dance party scenes you always see in movies. Get your body moving and you’ll appreciate it so much more!

Don’t Just Wallow

It can be so hard to keep a positive mindset when she’s feeling bad about her body, especially if she is carrying some extra weight. It’s hard for us as adults too. Mindset work, eating healthy, and exercising sometimes isn’t enough. It’s impossible to be upbeat every single day. We’re human! Attempting to stifle emotions is not healthy anyway. So expect some bad days, they are inevitable. But we can model and teach our teens what to do when they happen.

It’s okay to take the time to feel bad. I give my clients (and children) the space to acknowledge how they feel – they are real feelings with a real reason behind them. Even if the reason seems silly or odd to us. Giving her the space to figure out why she’s feeling the way she’s feeling, letting her feel them for a reasonable amount of time depending on how severe the situation. Then, take action! Do at least one of the tips mentioned above. Once that time has passed, get a move on. Both ends of the spectrum are unhealthy – stifling your emotions and wallowing in them for an extended period of time. Be proactive and help your teen change the relationship with her body. Both of your lives will be exponentially better.

I’m on a mission to inspire girls to stand up and shine. I want them to shine from the light deep within that comes from knowing and loving exactly who you are and sharing that person with the world. If your daughter is struggling to discover her beauty on the inside, the uniqueness that makes her beautiful in her own right, we need to talk! Book a complimentary call here

button1a

Beauty From Within

Beauty From Within

18

JANUARY, 2018

 

Society is a harsh teacher. It teaches us, and more importantly our daughters, that to be beautiful, a certain type of outward attractiveness is most desirable. That certain look varies and changes with popular trends. The biggest lie our daughters believe is the fact that beauty isn’t on the inside and she has to change who she is to reflect that. As her mother, it’s your job to show her what beauty on the inside means and what it really looks like.

Your daughter needs to see you working on yourself as much, if not more than, as you expect her to. The best part is it isn’t hard for you to start being a positive influence in this area.

Beauty is Irrelevant

While it’s true, beauty has some powers of attraction, it will never last. This is not to say your daughter, or anyone, will get ugly. It just means what was once thought of as beautiful and attractive will be different in a matter of weeks. Changing her hair color to orange is great for this month, but what happens next month when green is the new style? Instead of telling her a flat out no, why not suggest to her that her natural hair color is gorgeous? Help her embrace what she already has.

Being a certain size or weight has nothing to do with the relationships she has with her friends and family, her success in life, and so much more. Getting a nose job will not help her get that job she has her eye on. Having the perfect shoes is not going to be important when she is going bowling with her friends. Her physical appearance changes everyday. She shouldn’t assign so much importance to it.

What’s On the Inside

We’ve all heard the saying “it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” While cliches may seem like silly sayings, most of them have merit to them. It really is what’s on the inside that counts. Your daughter could be the most attractive woman in history and it wouldn’t mean a thing if she doesn’t know how to connect with people. It will mean nothing if she screws over each and every person she meets.

Talk to your daughter about what beauty on the inside actually means. Let her know that being kind to others and keeping a positive, healthy mindset is important. Show her what giving to others without the expectation of receiving something in return looks like. Show her how to relate to others and be the kind of person other people love to hang around. Every time you start to think negatively about yourself, make a list of how you exhibit beauty on the inside. Show her your lists and have her make one of her own.

Your Daughter Looks To You

Everything you do, say, think, and how you act is being processed by your daughter. It’s a scary thought, but it’s true. Your daughter sees and copies everything you show her. It may not obvious, but it happens all the time.

How comfortable are you admitting to your own mistakes? Showing your daughter you own your mistakes and are willing to put in the work to correct them will make more of an impression than covering them up and pretending to be perfect. She will feel defeated and hopeless if she sees only your perfection and she can’t live up to it. It will make her feel like she isn’t good enough. And, when you set expectations for her, it will make them that much harder for her to achieve.

Let her see the mistakes you make. Show her how you go about fixing them. Let her into your world and share things with her. You’d be surprised how relieved and happy she is to hear you’ve make mistakes also. Her life will be richer and fuller when she knows and understands what it takes to fix the mistakes she makes. She will be happier when she realizes her beauty comes from how she feels about and responds towards herself and others and not solely based on what she looks like.

I’m on a mission to inspire girls to stand up and shine. I want them to shine from the light deep within that comes from knowing and loving exactly who you are and sharing that person with the world. If your daughter is struggling to discover her beauty on the inside, the uniqueness that makes her beautiful in her own right, we need to talk! Book a complimentary call here

button1a

Top Resources for developing Your Inner Beauty

Test Post

Tahira Says

“As a teen life coach, I strive to open the lines of communication with each girl I meet. As I understand their goals, I can guide them down the path of success and achievement.”

How To Tell (And What To Do!) If She’s Stressed

When she is stressed and what to do about it

5

DECEMBER, 2017

 

How many times a day do you feel stressed out? Do you find that you need several moments to step away and take a breather throughout the day? Have you considered whether or not your daughter could be stressed out too? Is it possible that part of the reason you two don’t have the relationship you used to is because you’re both under a lot of stress and are emotional?

Taking time to step back and realize your daughter is just as, if not more, emotional and overwhelmed as you are can help change the way you interact with her and the relationship you two have. Consider how much more peace there could be in the house if you two took the time to see the other’s point of view and feelings.

Your daughter may only be a teenager, but she definitely has stress to deal with. It isn’t the same stress you’re experiencing, and it’s important to acknowledge that. You know how your husband or best friend can tell when you’re stressing out? And, while it is a bit frustrating being able to be read that easily, you are also relieved to hear them ask what’s wrong.

You start explaining the situation and end up talking for 30 minutes straight. By the end, you feel a whole lot better and grateful they invited you to open up to them. They may have even provided you with the perfect solution to take care of your stress levels.

Imagine being able to give your daughter the same feeling of support. Imagine if she were able to vent and open up to you without the fear of being judged. You would know what’s going on in her life instead of being shut out and worrying about what could possibly be happening. She would alleviate some of her stress. Stress affects everybody in different ways and learning how she reacts can be the difference between a cooperative household and a tense one.

Possible Stress Points

It’s possible you’ve even said the phrase “You’re only [insert age here], what could you possibly have to be stressed about?” In fact, many parents believe this is completely true. As the responsibilities pile up, you start to long for the stressors you dealt with when you were a teenager. When your daughter mentions she’s been feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, you tell her to enjoy her teen years, as she has no idea what stress really is. Afterall, she doesn’t have a demanding career or bills to pay, right?

Her reaction is to completely shut you out afterwards. When you minimize her feelings, she doesn’t want to share with you. You certainly didn’t mean to put her feelings down, and you are completely justified in feeling nostalgic over the lack of “real” stress you used to have. But, her feelings of overwhelm and stress are real. It is so important to remember that her experiences now have a real impact on her. Take a moment and think about all of the things she has to deal with.

Not only is your daughter managing school, homework, extracurricular activities, following the rules, dealing with siblings, friends, and boys. She is also thinking about her entire future, applying to college, figuring out what degree she wants to have for the rest of her life, and more! This is just the list for teenagers with normal lives. It doesn’t include any of the teenagers dealing with a divorce, gang violence, bullying, abuse, a disease, or any of the other number of challenging situations children find themselves in. If you put it all in perspective, it is a lot!

How To Tell If She’s Stressed

Each person deals with stress differently. There are many signals your daughter will give off when she’s stressed out and overwhelmed. The best way to figure out what they are is to pay attention. Ask her what’s wrong when you start to hear her sighing into her books. If she starts to continually eat or snack, even when she isn’t hungry, she could be developing an emotional eating habit.

An emotional eating habit can cause your daughter to become unhealthy, causing her to be even more unhappy and to avoid working through her problems. On the opposite side, make sure she’s eating something. Developing anorexia or bulimia is going to make dealing with the stress of life even worse. She’ll be stressed and hungry, while continually punishing herself and her body for wanting to eat.

If your daughter starts to have random outbursts or mood swings at random times, it’s probably a sign she is emotionally (and/or physically) exhausted. Blowing up over something as simple as spilled milk is a dead giveaway your daughter is under way too much stress. Being perpetually mad over nothing can be a big sign she’s struggling with her workload. If she stops showing much emotion, it could be a sign she’s shutting down emotionally and just doesn’t want to deal with any of it.

What do you do?

Let’s say you see these signs in your daughter: She’s been moody lately and has been eating pretty much nonstop. Instead of cornering her in the car, her room, or anywhere else she might feel the need to be defensive and attempting to force her to open up to you, let her know she has resources available to her to help her through what she’s feeling. Let her know you are available and remind her of how much you love her. Yes, you may get an eye roll, but still say it.

Give her a journal to write and work out everything she’s going through (and don’t snoop through it! We’ll go over why it’s important you keep her trust in a later post.) Let her know there are licensed therapists and psychiatrists at her school ready to help her if there is a need. Offer to research one and work with her to pick someone she’s comfortable talking to. Introduce her to a close adult friend she can confide in who won’t dish on everything she says back to you, but instead will help her through her problems. Let her know you’re open to talking and willing to help her with anything she needs.

Stress is an emotion everyone in the world deals with. The levels and type of stress differ for each person, but we all crave an understanding and caring person, willing to help us sort through the mess in our brains. Your daughter knows you love her and that you want to help. Don’t just hint at the fact that you’re there for her. Tell her outright that she’s able to come to you with anything and everything she may need. You will both benefit from working towards a deeper connection.

Do you need more ideas on how to help your daughter manage stress? Are you wondering if she is even under any stress? Book your complimentary Coaching Chat with me and let’s figure it out!

button1a

Get Your TOP Stress Management Tips PDF Here

5 shocking things your daughter isn’t telling you and what you can do about it.

5 shocking things your  daughter isn’t telling you and what you can do about it.

3

JULY, 2017

 

It’s no secret that teenage girls are secretive. We see them quickly putting away their phones in our presence and trying to close their doors. You can’t help but wonder what they’re up to.

As a teen life coach, I’m privy to a lot of information parents don’t always have access to about their daughters. Some of this info you may know and some, I’m sure, has crossed your mind, but here are the five things your daughter isn’t telling you, but wants you to know.

1. She does care!

She wants you to trust her and to treat her like the young lady she’s growing to be. She’s not asking for extra privileges to do things that will make you upset. She’s asking because she really does want to hang out with her friends for a little bit longer. She wants to show you that you can trust her so that she can learn to trust herself.

2. She’s not trying to hide things from you.

She wants privacy because she wants to feel respected and trusted.

3. She kept the truth from you…because she knows you will freak out!

Or at least you act like you will in her, not so humble, opinion.  Sometimes you freak out about the smallest things and it makes her uncomfortable to bring the details of her life to you. She really wanted to tell you about her first kiss, but she knew you would ruin it. Your daughter also wants to tell you about the bad grade she got in Biology.  And the fight she had with her best friend.  But, she thinks you will take things a step too far by yelling and berating her, or even worse, trying to tell her how to fix it.

4. You don’t know what she’s going through.

She has to manage her regular and her digital life. You have absolutely no idea what that’s like because you weren’t born in the age of social media. Belittling her concerns about it, make her shut down. Social media is a very real thing for her generation and she just wants you to get that.

5. The stress she feels from girl drama and school issues is very real.

It causes stress and it shouldn’t be belittled. No, she doesn’t have to pay bills, but this is her life and she has to live in it every day. Remember when you were in high school? Remember how epic everything felt? She feels the same way. People are constantly reminding her that her choices now will shape the rest of her life, that’s some heavy stuff! And she knows she has to figure out her future, that stresses her out even more

It’s important to remember that soon your daughter will no longer live in your home, and she will be legally considered an adult. Start trusting her with more responsibility now and respecting her opinions. You may not always agree. There are certainly times you will have to override her decisions because you are the parent and it’s your job to keep her safe and your intention is to protect her first and foremost, even from herself.

   Open and honest communication is key to parent-teen relationship, because you’re teaching her how to navigate this world.  Don’t you want to know as much about her world as you can?

    “Because I said so” will complicate things and make her resentful. This is because she needs to learn the thought process behind your decisions in order to make informed decisions of her own when you’re not around to guide her. The more buy in you have from her, the more valued she will feel. Imagine how much easier it would be to enforce consequences for not following expectations when she was a part of the conversation establishing what is required of her? She will already know when she messes up and there won’t be anything to question. She may still roll her eyes when she walks away, (hey, she’s a work in progress) but the disrespectful tantrum can be avoided.
Basically, she wants to feel respected as she is learning to assert herself and find her way. She’s going to make mistakes, she’s not going to be perfect. It is possible to minimize the difficulty and negative impact that the teen years can have on the family.  And remember, this is only a season. It too will pass.

Need extra support or some ideas for improving communication? Book a free, Coaching Chat with me and let’s talk about how you can support your daughter in her journey to womanhood.

button1a

15 Essential Life Lessons For Girls to Learn Before
They Graduate from High School.

download11